The myth of more
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Summer JOY, La crosse, WI, © Nicole BRATT
Dear friends,
I’m witnessing a boomerang effect on this side of the covid wave. Most of us spent so much time not doing the things we wanted to do for 2+ years that we’ve overcorrected and swerved back to the hectic, over-busy lifestyle we thought we were missing. Only to find ourselves exhausted or sometimes overwhelmed by it.
Many of us talk about our schedules as if we are captive to them. Yet most of us create our own schedules. So, if we are honest with ourselves, this busy-ness is actually of our own making. The good news is that means it’s within our ability to change this if we so desire.
I think about this a lot, friends. Why this alluring relationship with “too busy”? It’s not just me, or you (maybe); it’s very American, for starters. What are we actually filling our schedules with when it comes down to it? It is things that are draining us? Or we feel obligated to by some outside pressure? Why do we feel the need to keep jumping from thing to thing to thing all day, every day? Do we need more practice saying “no”? Are we just unsure of what to cut out? What are we seeking/avoiding when we overbook? Do we feel obligated to say we are “so busy” because we need to prove something – because if we aren’t (or say we aren’t), we look bad/unimportant/like we are not pulling our weight?
They say you can’t step your foot into the same river twice, and we are not the same now as we were in January 2020, nor is the world the same. (And while, yes, there’s a lot of sad, tragic, and upsetting shit out there, don’t let the ratings-driven, 24-hour news cycle convince you it’s all bad.*)
Perhaps what we thought was FOMO has morphed into JOMO in some respects... and some of us are now trying to adapt our lifestyles to the new reality or our new insights about how we want to participate in our own precious life. It’s ok to be having some challenge fitting your spring 2020 foot into a summer 2022 shoe.
Recently, I listened to a guided meditation in my Waking Up app, and Sam Harris s:
“We spend most of our time wanting more of everything. More sights, sounds, sensations, tastes, thoughts. We just repeat our pleasures. And we continually consume information. Consciousness becomes like a bottomless well into which we keep shoveling experience. Meditation is the art of dropping into that well yourself, and enjoying the feeling of weightlessness. It’s the art of discovering that you are fulfilled before the next thing happens, not because it happened. And it doesn’t take long to do this. If only for a moment, see if you can recognize that there’s nothing that has to change right now for you to be happy.” (emphasis mine)
The onset of the season feels relevant here. It’s summer. I can’t help but to recall how, in my own childhood, summer break was coveted and eagerly anticipated with a kind of sincere elation reserved for few other events in a year. It was a time for long, unstructured days of creative play. My sisters and I would be out for hours with the other neighborhood kids, biking, exploring, swimming, making up dance routines, and so on.
Why do we accept that these tastes of freedom have to go away when we grow up, get a job, get a mortgage, have kids, etc? We still deserve such unfettered ease, joy, and play on the regular! We may not have the whole summer “off” anymore, but we can definitely find ways to weave these experiences into our lives in all seasons. We can be role models for each other and for our children to break away from the myth that more is better.
The Myth of More is the idea of quantity over quality. We are all familiar with it. It’s a myth very artfully perpetuated in our capitalistic, productivity obsessed culture.
And yet, when asked, the majority of us say we would choose quality over quantity for almost every aspect of our lives.
Today, I feel compelled to remind myself (and all of you, apparently!) that I am not my to-do list! To remind us that rest, stillness, taking adequate time to digest and process (the news, life experiences, conversations, emotions, art, food, etc) is not only important, it’s absolutely crucial. To remind us that this time is crucial to maintain groundedness, connection with our center and our truth, and our clarity and purpose in this world. I can and will schedule unstructured time in my calendar this week, and next, etc. It need not be long, but it’s ok if it is! We are not the victims of our calendars; we are the creators.
May we create the calendars – and life – we dream of… without apology!
May we create a spacious moment, day, week, and summer!
And, may we empower ourselves and those around us to reap the benefits of doing less!
Love,
Nicole